Protecting your heart (?)

You know how when you meet somebody new you are so curious about this person that you do everything you can to find out all possible information? What I’m about to tell you can only be between you and me, of course you are the internet so what’s the point? But anyways here it goes… I go and check out his sign! Is one of those things I’ve done ever since I can remember, I find out the guy’s sign and I look up the description online. Occasionally, ok maybe every other day when I check my horoscope I check his, I try to adapt it to what’s happening between us, I do the compatibility sign thing, I know pathetic ha? I know it is but you know what to me it isn’t I must confess, these sorts of stuff is what reminds me I’m not so old after all, if I did it back when I was 15 and I still do it on the verge of 30 that means I’m not growing up so fast (bear with me this turning 30 is taking a toll on me)

I guess my reasoning for it is not that I believe so much in the horoscopes or astrology, is true that all descriptions of Libra can define me pretty well but the truth is that maybe it means I’m interested and I want to know more. Sometimes it takes a lot of time for a guy to open up to you, if he ever really does entirely. It’s crazy that some of us can be physical with another person and not let the other one see who we truly are. You are practically one when your bodies are naked against each other, yet you know nothing about one another.

How much you can truly protect your heart from catching feelings in situations like this? You talk to a person and instantly things turn sexual, before anybody gets the wrong idea you both make sure to let the other person know that neither of you is looking to get involve in a relationship or anything serious for that matter, so that you are clear this (whatever it is that you are doing) has no where to go other than sex. Then you embark in this affair (to call it something); and as long as the sex is great and no “real life” facts get into it, everything will be running smoothly. The moment you start wanting more you put your mental and heart heath at risk.

I say don’t go online checking their horoscope, don’t ask too many questions, stop them when they try to tell you how much they hate their job or their goals in life; because before you know it you’ll start realizing that this person is a human being with a past just like you, with issues, interesting, smart and a perfect candidate a least for a shot at something real. Getting to know each other would just screw everything up...

And I just have a few questions left, what’s everything? What’s it to screw up? There was nothing in the first place was there? It’s all this “gray area” where no black or white are defined; and what’s the point of that, really? No drama. Where’s the fun in that?

As much as I say I want nothing serious, and I’m not ready for a relationship, the truth is I’m always curious and I can’t help it, so my hearth is permanently in danger and masochist or not, I admit, I like it.