Attempting to explain

I have discovered I’m not a writer, I’m not good with redacting rules, grammar, spelling in either Spanish or English, but I guess that’s the beauty of blogging, is your space, your rules. I’ve made various attempts at creating somewhat a diary of my life as future treinta-añera (30 year old). I’d love to see my process, my sadness, my growth (if any), my crazy experiences and laugh at them ten years from now. So let’s see what comes out of this project and let’s see if I can keep it up.

With that being said let me tell you a little bit about myself and this whole spanglish thing I got going on over here; I am a born and raised proud Dominican, obsessed since I can remember with everything in English. I became in love with all American songs long before I could speak English. Forget it The New Kids on the Block, Madonna, Michael Jackson, they were the bomb to me! Still today I find myself listening to the radio and a song like, let’s say… Thriller would come up and I’d be like Ohhh that’s what it said. I’ve been living in NY for the past five years and unlike some other fellow Dominicans (sorry to say this guys but you know it’s true) I didn’t stay in el alto Manhattan, Washington Heights trying to recreate my old Santiago over here and never knowing what’s bellow 165th street and Broadway. I go out and explore the museums, art galleries parks, restaurants and if I don’t I read about it, I love NY! I really mean that!

I work at an office right smacked in the middle of the island of Manhattan that more resembles the U.N. and not an Architecture firm. There are people from all different backgrounds that can only understand each other (at times barely) in English. I know it sounds silly but I don’t get to practice my Spanish much and as it turns out even when you’ve spent the first 25 years of your life in the Dominican Republic, if you don’t practice and all of the sudden you find yourself talking to your mother on the phone, you struggle! It takes you time to remember words that you used to use on a daily basis, you can’t help it all of the sudden you are speaking spanglish!

God knows, I don’t mean too, I used to make fun of the Dominican york kids that went to school with me and how they spoke, now I’m one of them, except I’m not a kid and really it isn’t as bad as they were. But let me just say this, my mind can think in both languages, sometimes for some reason I feel as though my ideas flow better in English sometimes they flow better in Spanish. Sometimes I have to admit (not to say that my English posts will be less true to what I’m feeling than the Spanish ones) it feels like when I express myself in English, words don’t hurt as much, they don’t mean as much, or I guess I should say they don’t have the same perceivable strength (at least to me). To me is easier to say “I love you” than to say “te amo”, it is a literal translation it just don’t feel the same is almost like “I love you” kind of means “te quiero” in Spanish which in English is actually “I like you”… I know is a mess; but hey, if you can relate to any of this or any of my future posts feel free to comment or not, one thing is for sure, you are more than welcome to accompany me in my journey, please get comfortable, this is going to be a long one.